For the Better

If you have been keeping up with me, you know that I quit my job in early June this year.  Now that I'm 2 1/2 months in to my new journey, I can, with 100% certainty, say I am happier for it.  Are all my problems solved?  No.  Are all of my anxieties gone?  No.  I don't think I'll ever be completely free of those things (who is??).  This was not an easy process, and I'm not done yet.  I still have a few mountains to climb.

One thing I did gain (so far) was some self respect.  I stood up for myself.  I had no idea it would feel this good!  I'm proud of myself for the first time in many years.  Makes me wonder why I have such a hard time telling people how I feel.  Do I make how they feel seem more important than me?  

Another thing I've noticed is a change in how I see things.  I have the time to really SEE things:  the blue of the sky, birds flying, the green of the grass....  Everything looks like it did to me when I was very young...more vivid, more real somehow.  

This is probably the best summer of my entire life.  I hate to think it will end soon...kids going back to school, leaves starting to turn...it's inevitable.  Maybe I will SEE things this winter that I haven't in many years and learn to love it too.

New Endeavors

For several reasons, I have left my job of 17 years.  It was one of the toughest decisions I've made to date.  Through all the agonizing over my job, my husband has been the most thoughtful and wonderful person.  He should be sainted.  He has been my best friend and biggest supporter for 21 years, and has allowed me this awesome opportunity....as scary as it is.  Not everyone can get the chance to do this, and I truly feel blessed.

A few months ago, my husband, out of nowhere, asked me if fear prevented the two of us from truly living.  I immediately answered, "Yes".   We've never moved fast on anything.  We've both always stayed on the tried and true path with work, home, you name it.  Never had children for fear of screwing them up...  You can understand how scary this must be for us.  To give a second income up for what?  Personal growth?  A shot at happiness?

Again, I can immediately answer, "Yes".

So, I'm embarking on this new way of living.  I have high hopes and already feel wonderful.  I'm going to focus on things that are good for me and the harmony of my home.  If you don't have yourself, what the hell do you actually have?